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every little mistrust i feel leads me back to you

to the pain you had me feel wrecking right through my skin
to how you were unfaithful and erased all ability to trust from me
to how i degraded my flesh and soul by staying with you
to how i never even for a second forgave it
to the deep sorrow that haunted me

to the infinite times i did stuff just to stop feeling stupid

to how it only made me hate myself even more

to how all i was and felt slowly drifted away from my hands
to the way you tried to make me become you
to the way you punished me when i couldn't
to the way you tried to destroy me when i realised i didn't want to
to how you managed to make me stop with all that made me feel
to how i can't talk to people because you made me think no one loves me

so now i just feel like

you stole the little good i had left in me
you tore it all apart
and left me in pieces, trying to make up
years and years of abuse
that now include you
when you had promised to keep me from pain
all you did was wreck me

i hope you can't sleep at night
because i swear i never again will
and that's on you
you lied about helping
you never did
you cracked all that wasn't broken
thinking i'd be to torn to leave you
guess what
i still did

murmullo III

no es mi culpa
si es provocado
que todo lo
que ya había parado
haya vuelto a mí
siendo río
cascada
de dolor frío
de invierno helado

si el terror regresa
a patadas y de improviso
pero por algo tuyo,
¿hasta que punto soy presa
de mi propia locura?
¿por qué me disculpo?
¿por qué me arrepiento?

quisiera por fin
sentir en silencio
que algo mío fue válido
que no lloré en vano
a quimeras de tratos
que ya no existían
que no soy esclava
de una adictiva amargura

saber
no son voces de mí
saliendo
y contando mentiras
que el murmullo eres tú
que el dolor es verdadero

¿cómo podría ser falso,
si muerde así de fuerte?
¿cómo puede ser mi culpa,
si por una vez
no soy yo quien me duelo?

me agarrota el desvelo